Sooo...one night I was getting ready for bed and was in the midst of talking to God asking him to give me my next blog concept. He put it on my heart to title it "A loss doesn't mean I'm lost." When I think about the word "loss", I think about being without. We all have dealt with some type of loss whether it be the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a marriage, a child, a career, or even a memory or experience. Often times, a loss creates a hole in our heart that makes us feel empty. I experienced that on February 25, 2016 at 7:40p.
For those who don't know the story, my Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2014. I had just wrapped up a virtual bible study lesson on Periscope that had to be cut short because the hospice nurse informed us that my Dad started the "death rattle" and that he wouldn't be around much longer. The death rattle is a gurgling sound caused when a person can no longer swallow or cough. As a result, the saliva builds up in the back of the throat causing a "rattling" sound when air passes through. As I sat by my Dad's side holding his hand and reminiscing on the memories we shared, I couldn't help but also think about life without him. And then... about an hour later at 7:40p, I literally sat there and watched my Dad take his last breath and then a minute later, his final last breath. I started screaming "he's gone" repeatedly while standing over him holding my stomach. When coroners came in to take his lifeless body and put him in the back of the hearse, all I remember doing was crying hysterically, and holding my heart. During this moment, I had never felt this empty and lost ever in my life.
For about a year and a half, I disconnected from the world, stopped writing my book "A Heart with Holes" (check it out at www.marionelle.com/shop), and lost passion in life coaching. I was lost, y'all for a long time. Until one day, God spoke to my heart and told me to get up out of my sunken place. Since that day, I worked tirelessly to not allow my loss to make me feel lost. I realized the loss was not allowing me to pursue the purpose God had for me. Now, I'm not saying my Dad's death wasn't allowing me to pursue it, but rather what "death" signifies-- a loss.
Over the course of a year and a half, I rediscovered myself. I started to work on myself day in and day out to get me through my grief like introducing new things into my life, exercising new techniques with coping with loss, educating myself on what it means to grieve, and so much more. The process forced me to be vulnerable and allow me to feel and go through all of my emotions. I picked back up on finishing my book, worked diligently at launching my life coaching business, I got back into the gym, and started self-care exercises. Ultimately, the loss catapulted me to a higher level of understanding my purpose.
My Dad's illness is what brought me to my purpose, and his death is what forced me to thrive in my purpose.
I'm here to tell you that whatever loss you endured in your life...release that hold that it has on you. Whether it's a loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage or relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of a child, or the loss of experiences you can never get back...RELEASE THAT STRONG HOLD. When people lose something or someone, they grieve not just over the thing or person but also how that thing or person made them feel and what that thing or person did for them. When someone loses something or someone, they feel lost and unmotivated.
Pick back up that book you started reading, dust off those heels and makeup brushes and go out on a date, put down that ice cream and get back in the gym, open back up your Bible, get back into talking to God, go back to school, update that resume and apply for jobs, launch that business you were once so passionate about, encourage your spouse to try to make a rainbow baby. Whatever it is, find your way back there. Don't let your loss make you feel lost. I lost the support of my Father always being there to cheer me on and get me through tough times, so what did I do...I learned to use that loss to do that for others because I know how it felt to be without it.
"If you die today, what dreams, talents, books, music, leadership, ideas, will die with you?...Live full and die empty" - Les Brown
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