I will be the first to say I wasn't always vocal about my feelings or how I felt about things or certain people. I use to be the type to hold in my feelings, thoughts, and opinions until they no longer bothered me. Sometimes it would take a few hours and other times it would take days 🤷🏽♀️. I was never taught how to express my feelings in a healthy way; quite honestly, it was never addressed.
It took me being fed up with being angry and upset time and time again for me to start expressing myself. Although, it was a step in the right direction, I still, somehow, struggled with expression. The issue was I communicated my feelings without thinking first-- I just said what I wanted without the consideration of how the other person would take it. That was mainly because I had years of built up anger and I released it every chance I got. Over the years, I've hurt feelings, and even lost friends. It was never intentional it was just that I didn't know how to communicate my feelings effectively and I was still releasing years of hurt and frustration.
After getting it wrong time and time again, I started to examine and question myself. Why was I still struggling with this whole freedom of expression? I got to the point where I was tired of offending people because of my inability to communicate effectively so I started to learn more about how to effectively communicate.
I matured over the years and can now say I am unapologetic about expressing my feelings. If something bothers me, I speak up. If there's something I don't like, I say it. If it's something I don't want to do, I don't do it. If I feel offended or my feelings hurt, I say something. If I feel let down, I hold the person accountable. I'm very vocal now and I feel so liberated because I'm in control of my feelings.
If you're the type of person who apologizes for expressing your feelings or don't express them at all, I encourage you to follow these simple steps:
Figure out why your feelings were hurt or why you were offended: This requires you to really learn yourself and get to know who you are. People can't hurt your feelings if you don't know what can offend you or hurt you.
Determine a healthy approach to communicating your feelings: Everyone's communication styles are different. Some people find it comforting to vocalize their feelings while others prefer to write it down whether in a letter, text, or something else.
Learn emotional intelligence: You have to learn to express yourself as well learn to be cognizant of how it comes across to the other person. The way you express yourself can make things better or worse depending on the delivery. You can make the other person at ease, understanding, angry, offensive, or stand-off ish.
When communicating your feelings, put yourself in the other person's shoes.
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