When you think of an onion, what do you think about? Perhaps, you're saying they stink, they make my eyes burn, they are good once you sauté them, or they give food flavor. People buy onions because of the benefits they provide once they are washed, chopped, and sautéed. The process of appreciating the benefits of an onion have many steps. You walked into a grocery store with intentions on picking the right one. YES!!! You was finally able to pick the right onion for making the perfect meal. You're now standing in your kitchen peeling the tissue-thin skin off the onion, and then running it through some hot water to thoroughly wash it. Next thing you know, you are ready to fight the beast of syn-propanethial-S-oxide. I know I know...I've never heard of that term either. Syn-propanethial-S-oxide is a chemical irritant that stimulates the eyes' lachrymal glands so they release tears. THAT'S RIGHT - this is why you have tears and blink like 50 times.
Okay so when are the tears going to stop? Umm, after you peel the layers back, chop them up, and throw them in a skillet to sauté. The wonderful thing about onions is that you can peel thin layers or thick layers-- you choose. Next thing you know you are chopping them bad boys up so that you can add a sizzle to the skillet. Now you are starting to appreciate the benefits of the onion because you now have gotten to the part where it's going to now develop flavor for your dish-- THAT RAZZLE DAZZLE!
Now, you are probably wondering why I am talking about onions. Initially, we pick and choose our mate based on the outer appearance and the benefits of what we could get with and from them. We all know being with someone else renders benefits like companionship, and family. Once we choose that special someone, it's time to get to know them and really peel back the layers. This is the step in the process when we understand why we chose our mate. As time progresses, we start to open up to each other exposing different layers of ourselves so that the other person understands who we are. What the other person doesn't realize is that they don't know how many layers a person has until they are exposed to them.
Before sautéing the onions, the cook has to chop up the layers to their liking. People have to do the same. If you're trying to expose your benefits to someone, you first have to work diligently at peeling back those layers, understanding the depth of each one, and working to heal through them. Go back to the onion illustration...no matter how many times you wash that thing, it won't render the anticipated benefits if you don't peel the layers back.
Fam (a term short for family), no matter how many times you try to "wash" your issues away, you will never be able to provide the full benefits to someone else if you don't address the problems. Who wants just 50% of you and what you can offer when they are giving you 100%?
A cook knows once that onion is chopped up and thrown in the skillet, he receives instant gratification because he knows the outcome. We, as humans, know the outcome of healing through our layers of past hurt, trauma, break up, divorce, abuse, miscarriage, misused, etc.-- a healthier and happier life. We all need to address our layers so we can excel at life, relationships, and bring our full self to someone else's life. Will it be easy? I would be lying if I said heck yes-- that's just not realistic though.
I believe there's four steps to peeling those layers back and really healing through them.
Step 1: Acknowledge that you have issues. Did you know failure to acknowledge that you have issues can be more damaging than the actual traumatic experience? That's right...you can make things worse. Everybody has issues because God didn't make us perfect. Be real with your feelings and don't try to suppress them. Believe it or not suppression doesn't get rid of the issue, it conceals it. (That's why I don't like medication that suppresses depression or anxiety). If you can't be real and honest with yourself, then who can you be real and honest with?
Step 2: Forgive yourself and them. Often times we can be hard on ourselves to the point it makes it challenging for us to get over things. We start to doubt and question ourselves, blame our actions or the lack there of, and lose self esteem and confidence in who we are. No matter what you go through in life, forgiveness starts with YOU. If you can't forgive yourself, then it's extremely hard to forgive others. I was always told that forgiveness isn't for the other person but rather for you.
Step 3: Ask for help. One thing about us is that we don't like asking for help nor do we believe in counselors, life coaches, therapists, etc. We think we can handle any and everything but that's so far from the truth. I can attest to that, trust me. Some people think they are strong because they don't ask for help but instead believe they can handle it all. People aren't strong because they don't need help...they are strong because they aren't afraid to ask for help and know they can't do it alone. First off, I encourage you to cry out to God and cast your fears on him and he will sustain you (Psalms 55:22). Then, I encourage you to seek a life coach (like myself 😊), a counselor or a therapist who can help you heal and thrive in life.
Now...you can get all the help you want from a life coach, therapist, friend, etc. but if you don't invite God in, it won't work.
Step 4: Commit to the process. You can acknowledge your issues and have someone helping you heal through them, but if you do not commit to the process of healing, then it's a waste of time. 🗣🗣 Say it louder for the people in the back. If you don't take the healing process serious, all you're doing is wasting time and money-- who wants that? Besides, if you aren't serious about healing, then how can your life coach, therapist, family or friend take you serious? Commitment doesn't only mean being serious about the process. Commitment is also about being open, vulnerable, and honest 100% of the time. You can't give 50% to the process expecting to get 100% of the benefits-- fam, it doesn't work like that.
If you follow these four steps to healing, you will be well on your way to being able to give someone 100% of you. Always remember, once you peel those layers back, then you will be able to understand who you are at the core. Be yourself, be real, and don't forget to ACKNOWLEDGE, FORGIVE, ASK, AND COMMIT.
Let me know your thoughts on how you have healed, or are healing from past hurt by emailing me at email@example.com. Please like, comment, and share with others so we can all learn to peel back our layers in order to bring our full self to someone else and give them the full benefits of being with us.
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Watch this quick video on forgiveness!